Haiku Review: films critiqued in just 17 syllables!

Howdy movie buffs and poetry jammers, it's Ratty again. I was thinking the other day about writing micro-reviews to suit the busy lifestyle of the film goer. But let's face it - all of us who love movies are constantly subjected to advertisements, articles, teasers, taglines, recommendations and raves from the media and friends alike, so my input would be about as useful as thrush. So how can I deliver a quick impression of all the movies that I am bombarded with, and assist you in your general wellbeing at the same time? The magical power of haiku. This ancient form of elegantly balanced poetry is the perfect vessel in which to deliver my opinions. Actually, I have no idea how this one's going to go, but I thought it might be fun. I'm going to go for films in my "New Releases 2010" folder that I have watched, so no horror films included. 

The Killer Inside Me


Alba's ass whipped hard
Gripping and often brutal
Some Afflecks can act....

Ong Bak 3


Lots of ass kicking
But far too slow in between
The crow guy was cool

Red


Humour largely fails
Cast never looks that comfy
Action's about all.

Splice


Sweet looking creature
Challenges human ethics
A bit cheesy though

Inception
Dreams within more dreams
Was it as good as the hype?
It's a real mind fuck

Altitude (well, I guess this is horror)


Stuck up in the air
The monster's going to get you
At least there aren't snakes

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps


Gecko free at last
Douglas really nails this one
Shia Labeof? Meh.

The A Team


Rainy day movie
Ridiculous action scenes
They FLY a damn tank!

Predators


It's a well made film
Watch it on a massive screen
Enjoy the carnage

Toy Story 3


Woody and Buzz Rule
A worthwhile 3-D movie
Pixar wins again

Centurion


Gritty and gory
Ignore the obvious flaws
And enjoy the ride


So there you have it. 11 films reviewed in only 187 syllables.


Till next time!


Ratty